It's been a struggle to domesticate me. I'll admit, the first year I lived with Rick was an odd one. I moved in with him three months before I had our kid, and I was busting my ass to get good grades in school. Dinner? He'd be lucky if I made something simple like pasta with jarred sauce. I get it now, but I didn't at the time. I was 21 and came straight down the hill from my mom's house. Rick has described his mother as the typical 'Leave It To Beaver' housewife that had dinner ready at 6 PM and was up a half hour before his dad every morning to make sure his coffee was warm and in a thermos. Yuck. It works for her, but that's not me and he should have known better than to think that would ever be me.
He claimed to like the fact that I was independent and had my own mind, and was a little bit of a feminist. But now I have a baby, I work my other job once every two weeks if I'm lucky, and can't contribute financially. Gas is at an all-time high, especially in (Southern California), I just spent 200 dollars at the grocery store this week and I honestly can't even tell you that it's enough to make a home cooked meal every night. I'm come to the conclusion that it's even cheaper to eat at a restaurant every night than cook. Is it healthier? No, but I do choose alternatives to greasy burgers and Taco Bell. But I don't even know what to do anymore. My kids at a very bratty stage right now that feels like it sucks all my energy, and by 6 I'm still trying to figure out what to cook. For the kid it's easy. Veggies, some pasta and a little fruit. For us, I'm fine with what the kid eats, but Rick's a total carnivore who thinks some kind of meat and potato sounds great. We're so not on the same page on many levels, but have somehow made it work thus far.
I feel bad that I'm not some domestic goddess that loves cleaning and cooking. His mother actually told me that she loves folding laundry and it's 'therapeutic'. Is it wrong that I feel she's a little brainwashed? Apparently Rick's brother expects the same from his wife, and they argue just as much as Rick and I do about it. We're not arguing about it right now, but coming back from the grocery store right now just really pissed me off. It's outrageous! If it weren't for Rick having a great job, we would probably be in some shack somewhere.
Writing and paying all the bills every month and knowing how much we pay for my gas-guzzler of a SUV, and how much we pay for food makes me even more miserable. I feel guilty that I should become more of a house wench, oops I mean wife.
I'm not sure if I'm cooking skills and mind are up to par, but at least Rick admits that he always has clean laundry!
Because I stay home with the kids and my husband works he sometimes thinks that I should ALL the housework. We fought a lot the first 2-3 years of our marriage because we had different expectations (it took us a little longer than most because for a year of that he was in Iraq). His mother was shitty but he saw women in movies and on T.V. and wanted that. Needless to say, his expectations were a little high. We've found a good balance now, I keep up with almost all of the housework, he takes out the trash, does his laundry and helps with the dishes occasionally but if I don't feel like cooking then I don't. He doesn't get to complain about not having a hot meal from me every night and it works for us.
ReplyDeleteI hated it though when he expected me to do everything so I totally feel you there, you should talk about what is most important to him (of the things he wants you to do) and then start comprimising.
Oh jeez, I amon the same page. As soon as I clean the entire house, its dirty again. We need to move into a 1 bedroom apartment so I can so keep up. And, my BF will go out and mow the lawn... and then tracks it all in the house, so why am i cleaning this twice. Its sucks ass, he used to be all anal... but now he is happy when I just do the dishes. And, I keep the freezer FULL of lean cruisine for him, and he doesnt seem to mind. LOL And, I dont even have kids. Or work and I am this bad. I grew up with a housekeeper growing up and picking up my every mess, so I totally blame this on my parents. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI secretly think the DSB gets some sort of kick when I clean up after him. Also no matter how many times I scrub the toilet, shower, floors and do the laundry and all the dishes he acts like all I do when I'm home is knit and watch tv. On the plus side....I love to cook, but I hate to do dishes.
ReplyDeleteI knit once every two months, and that's all I hear I ever do. Thanks for all the feedback guys! It's nice to hear all guys are dumb, and that it's not just mine!
ReplyDeleteI went from working contract, VERY part-time to taking on a full-time job last year. I work from home, and most of the year it is low stress. But this time of the year I work 18 hour days. Kenny recently went from working from home to working outside of the house. I feel like because I am the one at home, even though I am sometimes working longer hours, I am the one who gets left with the majority of the housework. And maybe also, because I used to do it, but I HATE it. I will never, ever find joy in laundry or cooking. Although I did kind of luck out on that cooking thing. If Kenny is home in time, he gladly does that one. I think because it is better than having to eat my cooking...
ReplyDeleteNow if I can just figure out how to get him to do the grocery shopping.
I work full time in addition to teaching crafts on the weekends, yet somehow it always turns out to be me doing the bulk of the housework. (he works full time too so one would think things would be split evenly through the middle). So I made a pact with him that works. I will clean the house every weekend if he doesn't make any messes. Because keeping the house clean is just that much easier when you don't have to pick up socks, dirty clothes (how do men fail to walk those extra two steps to the laundry bin? ? ?) empty soda bottles etc... He has sort of agreed to it but we are still fine tuning the whole affair.
ReplyDeleteAs far as cooking goes, corningware has become my new best friend. I have the kind that has a lid. I let any kind of meat sit in it overnight with some sliced onions, red wine and a few herbs which takes just a few minutes to prepare. Than I toss in some chopped veggies (zuchini, mushrooms, carrots...) and let the whole thing sit in the oven for 2 hours at a low heat (300) and it always comes out great. Add a little pasta sometimes too on the side. It's so quick to prepare yet somehow seems very involved lol.
Oh, I sooo hear you! I have been home for over 4yrs, and I am still trying to get the hang of cooking. It is also only now that I have kids old enough to make cooking a large meal worthwhile. I still feel like I have no idea what I am doind aside from a few dishes that I kick ass at.
ReplyDeleteI also do ALL the housework other than the lawn that is hired out. I seriously screamed at Daniel the other night for wanting to use the toilet I had just scrubbed clean.
I love being home. Honestly, I love having the control over my home by doing everything here, but that does not mean I enjoy the mind-numbing tasks that seem to fill my day to day life.
We have had more arguments about the laundry than any other thing in our relationship.
ReplyDeleteIt's silly... But last night I did 4 loads and ironed his pants and he's just thrilled.
I used to cook all the time, but he's home first so now he does most of the cooking... I guess I can keep up on the damn laundry then.
Cooking and cleaning suck. I made a promise to myself after I had my punk though that I would not be the mom who fed her child mac and cheese with cut up hot dogs everynight. Sure, it's fine sometimes, but almost every night I cook an actual meal. Cleaning though...eh, I don't do it enough...
ReplyDeleteBut the way I see it is I'm spending time with my daughter and I'm doing all the parenting. So I would rather spend the time with my kid and have her remember I always played with her than to have her remember we always had a clean house! LOL