I've Been Gone For Days And All I Have To Show You Is This Crummy DishCloth

*And why does the glass on my oven door look so crusty? Seriously, I scrubbed the shit out of it on Sunday!*



What do you do when your life is falling to pieces? You get a sitter, call up a friend and get drunk, and chain-smoke like you did in high school. Yeah, I know...how mature.

And I made this dishcloth, while I stressed out. And now it's done and there's nothing else to keep my hands busy, other than cleaning. And I don't feel like keeping my hands busy cleaning. Cleaning isn't fun! It's a necessity! And I can't buy the embroidery stuff because I'm broke. So broke that my bank account says -$11.67. And I got two overdraft fees last week. This fucking sucks! And my bitching isn't for pity or hand outs, but because I'm just not cool right now. I'm just trying to hold it together. Hopefully next time I post I will be more perky.

Another Lame Saturday Night...

Rick and I went out last night, but it was so lame that I don't think I'll even call it a date. Yes, Mr. O.C.D. took me out to dinner, and then we went home, and he proceeded to go in the garage and tinker on some remote control car that he has been obsessing on getting his hands on for a while. What a fucktard. I think I may have just made up a new word. Cool. I took a picture of the dress I wore last night. I really like it, and I've had it in my closet with the tags still on it, for about three years. I love my closet, it's like a Goodwill of treats I've forgotten I ever owned.

Potty Training With A Side Of Cleaning

I've been busy cleaning all day and feel guilty that the baby has been watching TV all morning. Sure he wanders around, makes little messes with all his toys, and asks me for snacks; but we haven't done anything today. Now that it's summer, I want to do something with him. Take him to the beach or park, but today has just been a slow day. I scrubbed the inside of my stove for the first time ever, well the first time I ever have done a crazy-caffeinated-OCD scrubbing. I only used baking soda and hot water because I couldn't figure what else was safe. And it took me forever to find out online what to use. What's wrong with me today? And then I decided that my counters are too cluttered...but I haven't figured out a solution to that. I went to Macy's yesterday to buy my third china place setting (yay!), with a gift certificate that we'd gotten for a wedding gift, I came across a huge bible-like book by Martha Stewart all on housekeeping. At first I thought it was ridiculous, and then I skimmed through it thinking I could learn a thing or to from it, but it was $50!!! Forget it Martha, I think I'll go it alone. Oh, and I got a set of the new fiestaware color, Ivory. I couldn't help myself, and it looks like French Vanilla, so cool!

We've also been doing a little potty-training around here. Seamus has decided that he loves to wander around diaper less and to keep down on the little accidents that seem to happen right after I finish mopping the floors, I just remind him to go potty and he goes and does it. But today he decided to change it up. Being a boy and noticing his father pee a couple times, I've caught him trying to stand over it a few times. So I walk into the bathroom to make sure he wasn't playing with toilet water, or something else equally as germy, and found him standing over his potty aiming perfectly inside of it with no pee flying anywhere else. And no hands either. Wait, do guys use their hands? I'm not sure...Either way, he did it standing up flawlessly, and I'm one proud mama.

Incredibly Random

So, my stepdad is pretty weird. The type that still wears a fanny pack, which I don't think were "in" even in the 80s, and has rainbow zippers. The kind of guy that never got the memo that teeny little faded hot pink shorts just don't look right on a guy, especially one that claims to be straight. Oh well, I'm getting off track, and this wasn't meant to be a "I need severe therapy from seeing too much of my mom's roommate in his early 80s fashion". Regardless, my mom emailed me some of his photos from the wedding, and also added a little something "artistic" that he took in his backyard. It was just so random and typical of him, that I had to share it.

And now you know a little more about my dysfunctional, creepy, weirder-than-words can essentially describe background/ childhood. Enjoy.

Feelin' Like A Crafty House Wench

*Random picture. Sorry. But since it is a somewhat boring post, I decided to give you a little eye candy!*

I'm on some kind of crafty-keeping my house super clean-everything has a place-making dinner from scratch, kind of kick lately. Seriously. I don't know what's gotten into me lately. It's like I read a self-help book or something (which I didn't), and realized I just don't want or need excess drama. Seriously. Take me or leave me, either which I am fine with. So I think due to my newly cleared brain and way of life, I have been feeling like keeping busy. And for some reason, I feel like embroidering! My last attempt at that was around the time I started knitting in third grade, over the summer at my Nana's. I really want to embroider some dish cloths that i think would look bad-ass in my kitchen. Oh, and I plan on buying a kick-ass apron to boot! Yes, I can see that today will be another productive day, even though it's a bit gloomy outside.

And on an odder note, I've been thinking about changing some of my blog post titles, because when checking out my sitemeter, I really am getting a lot of crazy referrals. All having to do with trannies because in one freakin' post I thought my hair looked so over the top... And in no way do I intend to offend anyone. I'm just considering chaniging the post name because, well...I have woman parts and am sure that I am not what they are looking for. But hey, it does make my life a little more interesting!

There is something funky going on with my Blogger account. I'm not getting the emails when a comment is left, and now I notice some comments have been erased when I hit publish. WTF!?! So...whatever. Stupid Blogger!

Turning Two Rocks!

I got to blow out candles...

I got to lick frosting off the bottom of my candles...

I got a BBQ and get to feed evrybody my fake food creations...

My Auntie even got in the mix and slid down the jumper slide in her jammies before the party started...

And I got to eat more cake for my birthday party. Mmmmm....yummy!

On Second Thought, Maybe It Wasn't Such A Good Idea To Have Them Beat His Favorite Character With A Stick...

Yeah, and at one point the plastic hoop that the rope was tied to broke. So Rick re-tied the rope around Curious George's neck. And it looked like he was hanging from a noose. There was a collective feeling that that just seemed wrong. Or politically-incorrect, if that seems like the right term.

Bad House Wench, Bad.

Tell me something I don't know!

Okay, last time I took this test I was -7. Seriously. Rick thinks this is so hilarious.

-9 As a 1930s wife, I am Very Poor (Failure) Take the test!

Happy Fathers' Day Baby!

The thing with Fathers' Day around here is that my son was born on Fathers' Day in 2006. Yeah, I know his b-day doesn't fall on that day every year, but it should. From the first doctors appointment when I was pregnant, Rick said he would be born on Fathers' Day and be a boy. Rick was right, and now he thinks he's psychic or that they have some extra special bond since he called it. Who knows, maybe he is. I wonder if we ever had another kid if Rick would be able to love them both equally since this one is EXACTLY what he was hoping for.  The kid loves cars, motorcycles, dirt bikes, anything loud with a motor, skateboarding, clothes, hats; seriously I could go on  and on, but he isn't even two yet and a total little Evil-Ken evil-in-training, which I am convinced is what Rick totally wanted. And look, I bought them matching bowling-style shirts, and they're both totally digging them. Crazy!

I hope everyone else is having a nice Sunday, even if Fathers' Day isn't celebrated in your home. Hey, I didn't celebrate it growing up either. But I'm doing my best to be a nice little house wench today. I'm making pancakes, sunny-side-up eggs and bacon for breakfast AND I'm taking Rick out for steaks for dinner. Yeah, I know, I'm the perfect wife right?

Too Cool For School Apparently.

In May of 2006 I completed the last semester of university before I took a really long break. Does that sentence even make sense? I had a baby 3 weeks later, and had planned to go back for Fall, but got really attached and realized it was going to be too hard to leave him. Now two years later, I've realized I really just need to finish already. I don't have more than a year left anyways. Or two if I go part-time. Well, today I decided to call the Admissions Office, hoping that I could just apply for my classes and pretend I never left. Of course not. They said they have my transcripts from high school and junior college on hand, but I need to re-apply and pay the $55. Fine. Whatever. Except halfway through the computer application wanted a list of all my transferable credits. Well I  don't have that stuff on hand. I did three years ago when I applied last time, but not now! Along with that they said they still have that stuff in their office, so why the fuck do I have to go through this bullshit? I tried calling to complain, but no one will answer. Go figure. Stupid school!

I Shall Name Her Bettie

I realize a lot of my blog is purchases. Yes, I guess we are mass consumers. But I like to think that my latest purchase was more of a frugal one, okay compared to the $400+ that I could've spent. I wanted a bike with a baby seat on the back to push my ass out of the house. I think I'm in a bit of a rut right now, and instead of staying a homebody, I need to get a little sunshine and not ruin my kids summer frowning and bitching. Oh, how I long to though...




It's so pretty and red and Rick paid extra so I could have the leopard seat, that I must say really made the bike "me". I'm ridiculous I know.


And I warned Rick that I would post a picture of his crack on this blog. For some reason I don't think he believed me....

Mommy and Daddy brought me to swimming lessons today. I had a lot of fun. Mommy was embarrassed because she noticed a hickey on Daddy's collar bone. Oops.

Fevers Ruin Everything.

I've had the worst fever ever, for like 5 or 6 days now. I resisted going to the hospital many times, hoping that with Motrin and Tylenol and fans on and ice packs, that would be enough. But of course it wasn't. I finally went on Friday to the doctors and was diagnosed with Strep. He gave me an antibiotic shot and some pill antibiotics and said I would be good by that night. Which meant I would be able to go to Ink N Iron still. Yaaaaay!!!!! But by 6 PM there was just no way, my fever was up to 104 and I could barely walk across the room to get a glass of water. I cried like a little bitch or brat because I had wanted to go SO bad. Fucking typical. I went two days with 2 hours of sleep. I guess I had insomnia too. I was still fighting the fever on Saturday. I felt good when I woke up, so immediately took a shower, did half my make up and got half of my hair curled before I felt like I was just going to drop to the floor. Rick started yelling how I should be in bed instead of trying to prove some kind of point. I started crying like a little bitch again, Rick gave me two Tylenol PM's that were supposed to knock me out so I could rest up, and possibly go out that night. Nope. Nothing. No sleep still. The fever got worse, so we spent that night in the emergency room until 11:30-ish. They switched my antibiotics, and sent me home.
The next day I felt WAY better, I still felt like I should be taking it easy, but it was the last day of the car show and since I was told by the doc's I wasn't contagious, GODDAMMIT I WAS GOING!!!!!
I must say though, that there were way less cars than last year. There were a few super-nice cars that had been trailered there, but hardly any roadsters, actually hardly anything period. Weird. I guess I didn't miss much anyway. Here are the pictures I stole of the clubs myspace. There's a shot of my big booty from the back.



Another of some cracked out guy that charged $40 to pinstripe some cars, and did such a shitty job, oh man!



The president won an award for one of the 5 best there.



Another guy in the club scalloped his car similar to Rick's, and actually used the same guy Rick had.



Rick's being the bigger person, and not saying much about it, but I'll be the bitch-of-a-wife that says FUCKING BITER! That guy has painted his car 3 different colors that I can remember so I hope it doesn't stay this way for long. I actually think the guy who painted the car should have refused to do it so similar, like maybe a different color or something. I just don't think it was right.





And there's some hot ass chick posing.



The fever's gone now, but I'm still a little sluggish and today will be the last day I let myself be. I mopped last night and made dinner, but today I felt SO tired. So I ordered pizza and will probably do a little more cleaning. This fever has put me in a funk that has been hard to rid myself of. I've finally fixed my hair around 4 this afternoon, I was beginning to look homely, which was making more more depressed and funky. Uh.
Here's the only picture of me in my dress on Sunday, other than that picture of me from a distance walking by a car. I just didn't have it in me to take pictures at the Queen Mary. But trust me, you didn't miss much. Maybe Friday and Saturday were better :(

Mommy's feeling a little feverish today. So I will be doing the blogging.

Tagged, bitches!

And calling you guys bitches is a term of endearment, not degrading. At least in my book.

Wow. I've been waiting for this for a while, and I never thought it would actually happen. I was just aimlessly checking out Craftyminx's blog, and noticed that I've been tagged. Hey! She didn't even tell me! I guess she wanted to see if I'd notice while reading HER blog. That minx.

So I've been tagged!!!!!

What was I doing 10 years ago?

Well, funny you would ask that. I was graduating from middle, or junior high school. Yes, I'm a youngin'.



Five snacks I enjoy:
1) Half Baked Ice Cream by Ben & Jerry's
2) Oreo's (but I haven't had any in months)
2) Fiery Habanero Dorito's (yeah, they're disgusting, yet delicious)
3) Tortilla chips and salsa
4) I'll count chai lattes
5) scones



Five things on my to-do list today:
1) Grocery shopping
2) Mommy & Me class for me and the kid
3) Talk Rick into buying me a beach cruiser for the summer
4) Laundry and the ordinary everyday cleaning
5) Make dinner, and I have no idea yet what that'll be


Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1) I'd give a lot of it away to charity if I knew it wouldn't be secretly lining other people's pockets.
2) Pay our house off
3) Buy my mom a house to get away from evil step dad
4) Well, I would probably buy a bunch of old cars. Seriously, old Ford's, a Buick, t-bucket? My mind is totally going to run wild now...
5) Shoes?


Five jobs I've had:
1) Babysitter
2) Coffee Girl (barrista)
3) Mommy
4) House Wench (personal assistant to a toddler and maid)
5) Longshoreman


Five of my bad habits:
1) I've been biting my nails since I was really small
2) I can be a BITCH!
3) Admitted shoewhore and vintage and vintage reproduction dress pack rat. Seriously, you would probably be jealous of my closet, but it is an SERIOUS addiction and Rick will one day bury me under the house with 400 dresses and heels.
4) I cuss A LOT
5) I'm stubborn sometimes

Five places I have lived:
1) Hollywood
2) Los Feliz
3) SilverLake
4) San Pedro
5) Basically all variations on Los Angeles County


Five people I want to get to know better (yes, this means you are tagged!)
Viva Scrapper!
Sheri
Satan
Janis
And The Dirtiest Pirate Hooker I know...

Oh, Baby!

Today I went and visited my friend B in the hospital. She just had her baby via c-section yesterday, so I couldn't wait to go check out baby Ryan James. I bought him these cute little shoes, because I'm a shoe whore, and I just had to buy them. I hadn't been able to figure out what to get this baby for the 9 months that I knew he was on the way. This picture doesn't do justice how cute these shoes are in a newborn size. Not even close.



The baby looks just like his daddy, and I usually can't tell when their newborns. I got to hold him for a while, and he was as light as a feather. Only 6 lbs. 14 oz. and 18 inches long. I hadn't held a newborn since my son, but for some reason I think I was more prepared this time aorund for how tiny newbies are. His feet were super tiny though, my son always had big feet. And it was funny because I took his foot out of his pj's so I could see how tiny his feet were, and he curled his foot around my hand like little monkey feet. So cute.





Okay, that's about as cutesy as I'll let myself get. I'm super happy for the little family, and it will be interesting to see how they settle in since the big sister has no interest in her little brother, and already wacked him when they tried to get a picture of them together. Uh-oh.

Oh Lordy.

I bought a dress for this weekend. Rick and I will be going to Ink N Iron, and I think this dress will be nice for the occasion. We went last year and it was a lot of fun. We already have a sitter and Rick's car is going to be in the car show. Last year was the shoebox's debut and it seemed to get a lot of "paparazzi" attention. But maybe it was because there were a couple hot pieces posing in front of it.




Rick was actually irritated that his car was mostly cropped out of these pictures.

Horse Shoes

I've been trying to convince Rick to buy me this. I don't think it's working.



And in honor of that, I'll show you a cool picture of someone's feet with horse shoes on them. They aren't mine, I just found it on google. But I do want a foot tattoo with my son's name in it. Something traditional like a sparrow, but Rick beat me to the punch on that one, so now I'm scouting out different stuff. Like an anchor, I think a horse shoe might be too girly for a boy. Hmm...just bored and thinking.